Kids’ Internet Safety:

What’s a Parent To Do?

By Sandy Vondrasek

In his almost daily press conferences since Brooke Bennett disappeared last week, Col. James Baker, head of Vermont State Police, has twice emphasized the following message: "This case centers on the use of social networking on the Internet—parents should be aware of that."

By now, parents are no doubt aware that online relationships carry risks. The question is: What should parents do to help their children stay safe, as they communicate via social sites, such as MySpace or Facebook, or through instant messaging or blogging?

Tom Karlen, Internet technology coordinator at Randolph Union High School, offered some concrete suggestions for parents this week.

"I think the first thing," Karlen told The Herald, "is that no person under 18 should have an Internet-connected computer in their room. Your family computer should be in a public place in the house, where you can easily keep track of what’s happening with the computer."

But that is only one part of the monitoring equation, Karlen pointed out, because kids can easily find access to other computers, at a friend’s house, or a relative’s, at the local public library, or at an Internet café.

(RUHS, like most schools, "heavily filters" the sites that kids can access, Karlen noted, including barring access to social networking sites. "Kids find ways to beat filters, but we’re pretty restrictive," Karlen added.)

The second important point that Karlen emphasized was a simple one: Parents need to be parents.

"Just because your kids are tech-savvy doesn’t mean that they necessarily have the maturity and wisdom that you have as adult," Karlen said. "You don’t need to be a computer geek to communicate with and monitor kids. A lot of common sense things we know apply here."

"I think we do a really good job telling our kids things like, ‘Don’t take candy from strangers,’ ‘Don’t get into cars with strangers,’ or ‘If people you don’t know knock at door, don’t let them in,’ but we don’t carry that over into the Internet, because it is not as immediate and real."

Parents can buy filters for the family computer that will block access to certain sites, Karlen noted.

"My feeling is that is one tool. That might help, but the real issue is that you are communicating with your kids."

MySpace has its own safety pages and tips. The following is from its suggestions for parents:

"Talk to your kids about why they use MySpace, how they communicate with others, and how they represent themselves online. Recognize the importance of social networking in their daily lives, similar to that of cell phones, email, or instant messenger, and express an interest in understanding the role it plays.

"Ask them why they like being online and who they hang out with online. Ask them to show you their friends, what they are listening to, and what interests them within the community."

Karlen noted that MySpace has a policy that only those 14 and older can have a profile, but younger children easily bypass that hoop by falsifying their birthdates on the sign-up page.

Karlen thinks 14 is too young, anyway, and suggested that "maybe 17 or so or maybe older" would be a better age to allow social networking.

He acknowledged, however, that 12-year-olds are telling their parents, "Everybody does it."

Private Profiles

Young people who do have profiles on sites such as MySpace should definitely have them "set to private," Karlen emphasized.

The default is a public profile, and that means that anyone visiting MySpace can see young peoples’ profiles—which usually include pictures of them and their friends and their friends’ names. To get past just viewing the profile page, and actually communicate with the teen, the "visitor" has to ask—and be accepted—as a "friend."

With a private account, a student’s profile is not visible—although their name and, if they wish, picture, will appear.

The private setting means that only those who have been accepted as "friends" may view the profile. Karlen stressed that even with a private setting, children must still be cautioned to accept only people they already know, and trust, as friends.

Setting a profile to "private" takes some effort. It requires going elsewhere on the MySpace site to find how-to instructions, then returning to the sign-up page, and then going through an ordered series of five clicks—on a page different from the sign-up page.

Jenny Carter of Randolph Center told The Herald this week that she decided to allow her pre-teen daughter to have MySpace site, with lots of supervision.

Conditions include that daughter’s profile is private; that her picture is not on the "public listing" of all MySpace members; and that her daughter may only accept as friends people that she already knows. As an additional safeguard, the family’s town of residence is not listed—and Carter monitors ongoing activity.

Tom Karlen pointed out that 12-year-olds who "masquerade" as 14-year-olds in order to set up a MySpace profile tend naively to accept as true the information that would-be "friends" put forward.

"Kids say, ‘We would know if it’s an adult masquerading as a kid,’" Karlen said.

"Most people who are pedophiles or predators" he continued, "have some sort of abuse in their past, so they know what buttons to push; they are adept because it happened to them. That’s the really sad, human part of it."

Parents may be hesitant about barging into their children’s online life, but they really need to, Karlen advised.

Parents need to remind themselves and their kids of the following, he said: "I’m the parent. I’m the adult here. My experience, my wisdom overrides whatever tech savvy you have."